So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
