if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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