He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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