K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
