just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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