be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
