So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
