im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
