when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to calm my uterus...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
