She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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