the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is wine microwaveable?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
