We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
