What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
