I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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