this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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