how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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