if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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