The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
