FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
