who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
