found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
