we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
