Where is the hickey?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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