I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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