Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
