just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
