I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
