I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
