ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
