ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
