Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
