Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
