did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
