the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
