weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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