theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
