You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
