well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
