First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
