its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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