Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
