im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
