i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize