I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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