hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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