We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
