Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
