i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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