I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
