i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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