She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
