When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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