Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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