I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
3 2 1 whiskey
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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