he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
