I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found the puke drawer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
