That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
