It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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