I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
