bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
