Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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