does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
