We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
