I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
either way he was missing a nipple.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
