I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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