I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
