I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
