I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cockslap morals
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
