last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
