Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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