That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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