The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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