I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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