hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
