It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize