Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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