I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
