ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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