when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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