So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
