What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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