She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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