Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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