oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize