dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
