they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
