I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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