You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
