I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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