Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
