My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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