Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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